The sentiments started surrounding the Sun after an EXCLUSIVE interview in the Daily Mail. A Sun editor, W.H. Istleblower, attracted a lot of attention: “The majority of results published in the Sun are completely made up. The truth is bent more often than in a banana plantation.” Continuing these allegations, The Sun has been removed from the TU/e library.

The fraud has shocked colleagues of Mohan, who regard this as a disgrace to their professional field. Researcher Perez Hilton is astonished: “I always give 100% to get my facts straight concerning these socially invaluable affairs. It’s an outrage, a disaster and very silly that such a small group can spoil the image of a whole discipline.”

Also a few scientists at the TU/e are affected by the turmoil at the Sun. A physicist PhD’ed with a replication research on an article previously published in the Sun. He calculated the angular momentums of ice-skating celebrities in ‘Dancing on Ice’ and researched the hearing impairment at X-factor judges. Unfortunately, his consulted data was made up by judge Simon Cowell.

The announced disappearance of The Sun has allowed to tenure the TU/e board of directors (College van Bestuur). In a Sun article titled ‘3TU battle’, that outlined social frictions between technical universities, the Sun erroneously cited the board of directors. The board of directors of the Delft University of Technology were compared with Gabriel’s horn: “The heads of the Delft board of directors have infinite surfaces, but very finite volumes (TU/e, 2012).” Following the article, Rector Van Duijn supposedly needed to resign, but the tempers now have calmed significantly with a 85% confidence interval.

(This column is a satire.)