Exam Anxiety vs Post-exam Doubt
Exams have been done for a week now, but results have yet to be released. From exam anxiety, we transition to post-exam doubt, but how much more can we take?
Essentially, I am a relatively laid back person as a whole. Prior to exams I tend to study, but still maintain a balanced social life so I don’t over-stress. However, this is not the case after exams. Because my mind tends to go into hyper-overdrive after the exams, until the results are released. During this period, I begin to doubt everything I wrote on the exam, and assume the worst case scenario.
The excessive self-doubt brings rise to lots of negative thoughts during this period. Not only do I doubt my exam grade, but I would consistently ask myself ‘what if I’m just not cut out for university?’, ‘what if I’m just not smart enough for this course?’, ‘what if I’m just wasting my time?’.
At this point, the positive thoughts evacuate my mind, and I’m just left there with my self-doubt. Here’s a poem I wrote about my post-exam doubt:
The walls are closing in,
Time is ticking by,
Is it really a sin,
To wave my future goodbye?
I try to make it appear,
As if I just don’t care,
But the thought alone gives me a scare,
I’m uncertain how much more I can bare.
I have no right to be scared,
I should’ve prepared,
I’ve made a lot of mistakes,
There’s no need to fake it.
I’m just worried,
Will I be honored and celebrated,
Or will I be buried,
And left devastated.
~ Harsh Jethwani