“Flirting is fun precisely because you can fail”

Sexual, social and professional flirting. That was the topic of Wednesday evening's workshop The Art of Flirting, organized by Studium Generale and TINT. Subtlety, the right body language and why the Dutch aren't the best seducers.

Offering a compliment while pulling a poker face. It's easier said than done judging by the giggling attempts of the fifty or more students in the Gaslab. “Compliment someone only if you mean it. Your verbal communication must be consistent with your body language. If it isn't, you won't be taken seriously, people may even take a dislike to you,” says flirt coach Drazen Lisak.

According to Lisak, flirting is about much more than getting a date or finding a partner. Flirting is an attitude to life that involves being friendly, charming, and positive. In social and professional arenas too flirting can be beneficial. He offers his audience the advice they need.

Self-confidence is important, but not a 'must' for approaching someone. “The longer you wait, the more nervous you become. With flirting, 'just do it' applies.” Next, it is important that the other person likes you. Subtlety is the best strategy where that's concerned. “Some people are keen to show how smart they are. Instead, downsize your ego and focus on the other person.” And in conversation, try to avoid being negative because things that irritate you give you a down feeling. Passion, by contrast, is contagious. “If you give a presentation that is not coherent, people will be inclined to forgive you if they notice your enthusiasm.”

As long as your eyes shine

Where body language is concerned, it is the look in your eyes that counts most. “You don't need to show your teeth or use the rest of your face. It is enough if your eyes shine. If I have a business appointment and I'm not feeling comfortable in myself, I try to produce a radiant look. It has been proven that your own brain responds to this, making you feel better.”

In addition, the flirt coach has a number of exercises in store for his audience. From looking at each other with radiant eyes (“think of your loved one or your pet”) to using physical contact, like a tap on the elbow. This might feel unnatural, but it really is a good icebreaker. Shivam Kapoor, Bachelor's student of Electrical Engineering, thinks it is the best tip of the evening.

In a professional setting, the same rules largely apply, with some nuances.  Lisak once coached a group of female managers, for example, who said they laughed as little as possible on the work floor. “Because laughing would give men the impression they were just a pretty face.” Touching, on the other hand, is something that women can use more easily than men in a professional context. “Men have to be more cautious about using that tactic.”

"The Dutch are much too serious when it comes to flirting "

The Dutch are not known for their flirting skills. Lisak, born in Croatia says, “People in the Netherlands are much too serious when it comes to flirting.” A rebuffal, he says, is no bad thing. “Flirting is fun precisely because you can fail. The more often you are rebuffed, the easier it becomes to approach someone.”

What's more, Lithuanian Marius Lazauskas feels that Dutch cafes are not exactly ideal places to flirt. “After 11 p.m. the music is so loud any kind of communication is out of the question.” Although the Master's student of Architecture has heard little that's new to him, he doesn't regret participating. “At one time or another I've googled much of what we learned this evening. But sometimes it is good to hear things like this from someone else.”

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