The 8 craziest press releases, edition #5
Sometimes I wonder if I should stop writing this themed column, are readers still excited? If I may believe the statistics, yes they – you – are. But I also have other opinions that I might like to share instead. However, for today I still selected 8 press releases from over 40 strange news items, invitations and dubious proposals.
#8 OMG let’s go PPP
‘Praktische Politieke Philosophie’ (Practical Political Philosophy). That last one should start with ‘F’ in Dutch I’d say. Anyway, the political party CDA is organizing this, well, what? “Please forward this to people in your own surroundings who may be interested in the subject or, more generally, people with social interests.” OK. You should feel attracted to the topic or have a general interest. But regarding WHAT? To philosophize about politics? But it is also said to be very ‘practical’. How do you philosophize practically? Would many Germans come, and is it therefore with PH? But that's really not practical. I scroll further down the messy invitation. And actually find a theme! “CDA and digital: opportunity or threat?” and below that “Request: RSVP is required. You can sign up via email@example.com.” Well, I can see that (digital) language is not your strength. 'Nailed' it, but failed it.
#7 Paying for a PowerPoint
A press release with the message that companies spend 12 million (!) annually on having PowerPoint presentations made for them. Maybe I should have chosen a different career after all. We’re talking some serious green here. And I still don't understand why you wouldn't do it yourself, life doesn't get much easier than PowerPoint. Incidentally, this neutral news was sent by a company that makes PowerPoint presentations for others. The topic makes me think of a beautiful theater show by Aarnout van den Bossche. Must see, however you need some basic understanding of Dutch and/or Flemish.
#6 Dancing with Duplo
An announcement for the ‘Juffenballet’ (female elementary-school teachers’ ballet performance). We put all the female teachers in ballet leotards and tutus and put them on stage. Dystopian. But it turns out I should not take it so literally. The play is about the teachers’ coffee room that leads you into another universe. Yet this is not something that I would pass on to our students or employees as a tip for the weekend. In the same style I also received the ‘Bully Bully musical’, for those who are more excited about toddlers than teachers. “A toddler musical in the style of West Side Story but at Lego Duplo level.” Just make it stop.
#5 Grip on the World Cup
Sometimes you get a press release and you really think 'how did people manage to associate the topics in this message?'. The grip gloves from SHOWA and the cheering at the World Cup is a good example. “Together with family, friends and colleagues, we cheer on our orange heroes. To keep cheering for many years to come, you have to be careful with your hands. You need your hands for more than 70% of the things you do! So protect your hands well while working.” And then a list of types of gloves follows. However, I got stuck at ‘70%’. How would they have investigated that? And do I have to wear gloves 70% of the day then? And would cheering with rough hands be more difficult? So many questions.
#4 Erotic industry is shrinking
The erotic industry is shrinking in terms of numbers of stores, but sales are booming, with corona as a climax. This is a typical message that can be moved to the trash can immediately. Market information that I can't do much with for our newspaper. However, I scrolled a bit further, because this has potential for the column of course. At that moment I saw something interesting. In our province of North Brabant one has seen a clear increase in the amount of erotic shops for several years now. What makes the toys for adults so popular here? Loyal customers with a proper explanation can come to my desk.
#3 All ANWB couples in their own lane
The ANWB has also been hitting on me in the press box for years – and regularly ends up in this column. This time, the Woensel branch will be restyled. I think it's a bit special that you're dedicating a press release to that. The new store will also have a test lane (yes, I kid you not) to better test the ANWB shoes. Would such lanes also be built in the center of Eindhoven for all ANWB couples to stroll on? Although you don't need a special side of the road to see who are the big fans. I guess ANWB-koppeltjes is Dutch humor, google it for images if you’re missing the vibe here.
#2 New dating app from DJ Jean
This dating app would make all previous dating apps obsolete. In the lead, the app seems exactly the same as Bumble and Happen. Well, searching by license plate was not possible before, I think. Also something that I think you shouldn’t want, although criminals will really like being able to look up in the app where their 'beloved competitor' is driving at that moment. 'Super cool, such a flirt radar', says Jean. Maybe a nice tool for the police too.
#1 Chippendale dining room for sale
Yes, I immediately slid off my chair reading this. I haven't been able to get tickets for these sexy gentlemen before, but now I can buy their dining room. It turns out to be something different. It's another message from a Belgian furniture store of which I have already revealed a strange De Coene bedroom. This time the dining room of a certain Piet V. in the neo-English Chippendale style. “These are among the most expensive furniture due to the amount of wood sculpture.” I'm afraid there won't be a naked man with a bunch of grapes on this kitchen table. Or Piet has to be in a wild mood himself.
Thanks to all my Cursor colleagues who forwarded the press releases to me on days I wasn’t in charge of the general inbox. And of course to all organizations and companies that do not segment their target group, I couldn’t have done it without you…