I don't know how to act


What a year, ha? For stressing over student jobs to support myself during lockdown to graduating and all that came after, one thing’s for sure: I had one hell of a year. As many people did.

With my graduation ceremony planned for this upcoming October, a full year from the date of completing my final bachelor component, a lot of mixed emotions and responsibilities are rushing to the front of my mind after I had locked them away for a different day.

After so many months of being inside and seeing a maximum of six people, how am I supposed to act when I’m confronted with definitely more than six people at events?

For a few months now my close friends and I have been vaccinated and so, I’ve been slowly slipping back into my ‘social suit’ but I need to admit that it’s hard. Add to that the language differences between my household and my social circle and workplace. You see, I only speak Arabic at home but for contact with the outside world, I heavily rely on English (or even French) and now my brain is not as trained as it used to be in switching effortlessly between the two main languages. It’s like I’m lagging in real life.

Sometimes I find myself taking moments to recollect my thoughts. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing at all, think before you speak, right? But, it’s definitely something I’m aware of and need to get used to. It’s like sensory overload from simply seeing way too many people at once.

All that aside, I mean with all that’s in my chest when I say that I cannot wait for what’s to come.

A lot of us have gone through some seriously life-changing events in the past year (plus). That might have taught some of us some important lessons on what we prioritize in life or even taught us how to slow things down for our own good. And even though I may not know how to act, yet, I’m ready to meet the new variations of my friends which were birthed in lockdown. I’m excited to listen to which new hobbies they picked up, what new jobs they found themselves enjoying or simply the routines they found comfort in.

With this being my last column for Cursor this year, I want to dedicate it to all those who showed empathy and made it a point to help those around them move through this - thank you.

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