The 8 craziest press releases, edition #4
Here we are again, just before summer I would like to put a smile on your face. I have received enough inappropriate messages from PR and marketing departments to help me. From abseiling over yogurt to flying cinnamon buns and from Erdogan's long arm to the devil's semen. Grab a coffee and chill out with this overview.
#1 Satan’s semen (‘Het zaad van Satan’)
A lot has been said about this already. And I have to say: the titled stood out, obviously. Where I first thought of Karbaat 2.0, a Dutch doctor who performed artificial insemination and did it with his own sperm. But it turned out to be a musical by Auletes, the band of student music association Quadrivium. This went straight into my ‘strange press releases folder’, even though this time there was a link with the TU/e! For those who are curious: unfortunately the musical is already over, but a small summary by Cursor: “The story is set in the Middle Ages and revolves around a woman, Elisabeth, who gets pregnant while her husband is away. The villagers come to the conclusion that she must be a witch and that she is carrying Satan’s child – she supposedly became pregnant with Satan’s seed.”
#2 ‘Hang up bridge’
Erdogan's long arm also reaches as far as Cursor. We got a press release from the near east: "The longest suspension bridge in the world '1915Çanakkale' opens 18 months earlier than planned." Well, construction work that is completed EARLIER than planned, I would also email the newspaper for that. Maybe not in capital letters though, like the original had. The translation of the email to Dutch also caused an akward situation: they named it an ‘ophangbrug’. I suspect they mean either a drawbridge or a suspension bridge, and judging from the picture, a draw bridge of more than 4.5 kilometers seems a bit ambitious to me. Just my humble opinion.
#3 Flying Ship
“The first electric flying ferry will make Stockholm's waterborne public transport faster than cars and subway” causes me to envision a mothership of some sorts with aliens on their way to Ikea for some cinnamon buns. After clicking the link I can tell you that it is a mini version of the ship going from Calais to Dover with room for 30 passengers. It doesn't fly though, it looks more like what Jesus would have done. They also claim that this new model makes you less seasick due to the 'smooth experience'. That is a perk if you bring those cinnamon buns, of course!
#4 The smell of misery
More disasters. The inbox is full of misery. The congress 'Blood, powder and tears, meaning and commemoration of the Disaster Year 1672' took place on Friday, April 22. It promised to be an innovative conference that presents original research perspectives and actively stimulates the senses. Among other things, 'the scent of 1672' has been revealed. Cultural historians Inger Leemans and Caro Verbeek, together with scent expert Jorg Hempenius, were commissioned by the KNHG to map the scents spectrum of the Disaster Year. Extreme stench and sweet, hopeful aromas alternated.” I’m not sure if I want to smell this. Give me the smell of cinnamon buns instead.
#5 The humor test
Recruiters appear to excel due to their lack of humor, is the headline in this press release. Perhaps our (near) graduates can endorse this, given the recruiters who for sure contact them a lot. The sender, MatchQ, also added a humor index by profession: recruitment is the worst, followed by government employees. So, how funny are the TU/e employees? We are semi-officials after all.
#6 Missed call
Dear mister Cursor. Are you horny? I know I am. You missed my call. Horny Shriya called you two times already. She is online. Click below to chat with her. She is very horny now.
I can barely contain myself clicking. What a cu(l)mination on a Friday afternoon.
#7 Put your camper on silent
And another German press release. Main subject of the mailing? A director of a customer of the company. He was bothered by the palpable and audible vibrations of built-in compressors in his motorhome and he found a solution: rubber-metal insulators. The press release is again typically German: far too long and no sense of legibility. In any case, the last sentence ensures you don’t have to be tossing and turning in bed to figure out how he fixed this first world issue: “To ensure an even load distribution, each of the 7.3 kg compressors is now equipped with the Bubble Mounts from ACE at all four mounting points. Unwanted vibrations are now a thing of the past.” Peter van D. can now go on holiday without vibrations. Wie schön. In the photo the modest camper in question.
#8 40 years of yogurt
De Zuivelhoeve turned 40. In Twekkelo (I had to look that up too, but I guessed it to be somewhere around Hengelo, Almelo and all the other 'lo's' with a matching regional accent), they had not one but two parties on June 24. That of course makes the (university) newspaper. Their 40th anniversary and a new yogurt barn opened, it is next level there in Twente. For unknown reasons, people were abseiling during the party. Something I usually do as well when I really want to go wild.
That's it for now. I wish you a calm and relxing summer and hope to see you again in the fall with a full inbox. I wish to thank all my colleagues at Cursor for looking out for unusual press releases. And, of course, thanks to all those organizations and companies that didn’t think of audience segmentation, I couldn’t have written this piece without you..