The 8 craziest press releases


The Cursor editors receive dozens of press releases every week. One of the editors' duties is to separate the wheat from the chaff. And there is quite a bit of chaff, but that also guarantees a good laugh. We get strange e-mails that do not fit our target group at all. To put a smile on your face as well, I've saved and summarized the eight most bizarre e-mails from the past few weeks:

Number 8:

Chemical risks? Gloves!

Okay, we have a department of Chemistry. Fair enough. But the Cursor editors usually don't do their household shopping. “Chemical risks don't stop at the surface. Neutralizing them requires the proportional attention.” The gloves come in different sizes, lengths and thicknesses. Important of course that they fit well, otherwise things go out of hand…

Number 7:

Work, please

Sonia H.C. is looking for work. She is from the Philippines but saw our profile during her research and wants to discuss important deals with us. Thanks, but no thanks, Sonia.

Number 6:

Podcast about dinosaurs

An average nerd of course can’t contain himself at the thought of a bunch of prehistoric creatures, Maarten van Rossem and Gijs Rademaker must have thought. The ‘Dinocast’ should improve our outdated image of dinosaurs, according to the press release. The series is already live so if you are curious about what has been reported wrong all these years about the ichthyosaurs, triceratops or stegosaurus, be sure to turn it on. (Dutch only unfortunately…)

Number 5:

The Ethical Slut

We often receive press releases about new books, but usually in the field of science. The title of this press release 'polyamory, all questions answered' leads to a Dutch translation of an 'international bestseller'. ‘De Integere Slet’ (The Ethical Slut) is the best handbook for polyamory, if we are to believe the publisher. “The book answers all possible questions about the polyamorous lifestyle and offers guidance on the challenges that go with it, such as jealousy and judgment from outside.”

Number 4:

Griffon vulture has been released

No no, there were no problems with the IND, but the griffon vulture ‘Stanislav’ from Dierenrijk Zoo has been released into a Bulgarian nature reserve. That helps to increase the population of griffon vultures in Bulgaria. Of course we wouldn’t want our students to miss out on the final goodbye of Stanislav.

Number 3:

Michel Perridon invests in energy-saving eco stove

Who the h*ll is Michel Perridon? I had to google that too. The founder of Trust, that computer mice brand. Well, the message turns out to come from Ecostoof itself and tells about Perridon's enthusiasm for this oven that cooks meals at a low temperature without energy (?! Later on they talk about 30% energy savings...) I feel stared at by a photo with Perridon and two ladies from Ecostoof. They sit with their hands in a triangle above the stove, which reminds me of ‘spin the bottle’ in high school. We may need these extraterrestrial powers for that energy-free cooking. Well guess what, I think our students won't cook their pasta pesto or mac and cheese in this 90 euro pot…

Number 2:

German shower cabins

In the HSK Trend Journal we receive an overview of the "current novelties" ("actuele noviteiten" in our Dutch version). Just add a German accent here. Strong craftsmanship, that's what our eastern neighbors are known for. In the translated brochure it is immediately clear that the source language is German. “Award-winning products with great utility,” from 'your director' who demonstratively takes off his glasses (!) because he also can’t face it any longer. Below him, a man in a suit (!) who poses ‘richtig geil’ against the modern cabin that offers "soft comfort." Unfortunately, he isn’t part of the deal: everything for "individual shower pleasure," according to the brochure.

And the indisputable number 1:

The Funeral Fair: the largest outdoor funeral fair in the Netherlands

A fair where we see the latest funeral trends and personalized coffins. All this in and around a greenhouse. A part of the press release: “Finding the inspiration for a personal funeral, taking part in creative workshops, have tasty snacks and drinks and most importantly: be in a fresh environment in the open air. Enjoy the cozy atmosphere during the Funeral Fair with DJs, artists, food trucks, inspiration and information about the funeral. A visit to this outdoor fair will astound anyone.” Thanks, but I'll pass. Maybe some students would love tickets to this Fun(eral) Fair, but I’d rather cheers to life instead…

Thanks to all my Cursor colleagues who forwarded the press releases to me on days I wasn’t in charge of the general inbox. And of course to all organizations and companies that do not segment their target group, I couldn’t have done it without you…

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